Sometimes, answering a question with a question is the best strategy. To me, thats pretty manipulative and when its done I generally conclude that its done on purpose. 20 Quick & Easy Canned Responses to Improve Your Customer - HubSpot A possible script: Sorry, Aunt, if I dont do laundry this weekend, Im not going to have any clean clothes. I will have to remember, the next time I must declare myself to a new prospective partner, to offer up the alternative plan of talking about dinosaurs for the next ten minutes and then never bringing it up again. Theres also nothing wrong with the sitting alone in the dark rocking back and forth, it just seemed a good description of the void my mother thinks no plans equals. But I think often we like to pretend that there are no such tradeoffs, and thats not helpful in the real world. I find that are you doing anything interesting this weekend? can come across as less pressuring than what are you doing this weekend? Not only does it focus the question onto peoples hobbies/interests, but the answer no, not really doesnt automatically mean that someone is free. When its done as the pre-request, I get really annoyed that the person wont just ask me directly. I am admittedly very sensitive to potential power issues, so I have a hard time seeing when theyre really there and when Im just reacting as though they are. By mentioning the weekend, it ' s a great segue to ask them what they ' re doing. If people volunteer that theyre from somewhere far away whether they have a recognizable accent or not I might ask what made them choose this tiny place to move to. This is a very funny response to give to "whats up." BLah, I realized I didnt finish the thought, I suppose that before I started responding that way they thought I was sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark.. I read the question; did all of you who are saying its only about the manipulative cases? Good, I just saw the cutest squirrel.. Im working on this myself. Im glad its not a way to get rid of someone/blow them off without saying so. Would it be possible for you in [date]. to add: I think if there are people youre close to who do this a lot, like your sister, you can just tell them its a small thing but it bugs you and can they please ask a different way. I get that youre saying you dont do this often and you see it as a minor part of your relationship. Me: .No. I BET YOU WILL LAUGH - Funny videos - YouTube A professor I studied under said she, without thinking about it, had an automatic habit of spotting people likely to do that oh Im so nice to your differentness type of racism and trying to run interference to keep them from saying that crap around her grad students. Shes asked like this a few times. I guess its a cultural thing, I come from a non-English speaking country in Europe and here, I feel, admitting that you dont have Plans-Plans, and then declining an invitation, would be seen as pretty rude. Theres still room for her to refuse. I think it depends a lot on context. These guys then hope the girl will then respond with relating a fun anecdote, to which the guy will respond by asking a question or two to keep her talking, and then hell think, Great! I am not anyones manic pixie dream social secretary. Its not extreme when your life has several of those sharks who ask that just to trap you. Its not a question I like either, some of which is due to manipulative/pushy people angling for my time/energy like in the letter, and some of it is due to feeling like I have to feign excitement or a more interesting life in order to keep the conversation going, which is draining (IDK if this is an introvert vs extrovert thing or like how some people seem to have no trouble filling the conversation or making their lives sound interesting; I am not one of those people). Most of those projects and research were for fanfiction. I have a colleaguestraight white well-employed middle-class-raised Christian cis man, so about as privileged as you can get in Americawho opts out of a lot of what he considers to be optional social stuff. This is absolutely true; it IS rude to put someone on the spot like that. I cant quite tell from your letter if thats the real issue, and I dont think there is any answer to the weekend question that will prevent you from sometimes having to say no to things when the other person wants you to say yes. You on the other hand, will get off the phone feeling charged and energized.and get right back to doing nothing. People here may be disagreeing that it should be a normal social rule, but if you change your behavior to meet that, youll be wrong by other standards. DP: As you know, [ note, I do not know ] I need someone to [ renew my library book | paint my bathroom | walk my parakeet | clean my cat litter ] and I hoped you might help. Because it's funny when friends say they'd only run in chased and we know that's perfect because we could run longer. 3. Me: Working. LW, this struck me as a pretty extreme response. Early on in dating the boything, he would ask what I was doing that night in a way that made me think it was small talkso Id say oh, Im working on [project] probably, or I might just have an early night. And then he would assume I wasnt free, whereas if he would have said hey do you want to have dinner? I would have been on board. My Kid: No (shuts door again) Now shes supposed to go on a date with me if I ask for one!. And making things even harder, so much of this is tonea chipper Why do you ask? to the above question is a soft deferral, whereas a flat Why do you ask may be offputting in a way that leverages a cost. LWs parent. People of just about any accent can turn up just about anywhere and be from there. And I hate being rude, also as a woman I am hardcore trained to not ever be rude, so at this point for me sticking to my guns and saying no, I cant do that thing with you (even though this person now knows I technically CAN) is very difficult because it turns into: I dont WANT to do this thing with you, and thats a no-no (around here, I mean). If I always have to be the one reaching out, that can feel either like the emotional and planning labor are being taken for granted, or like they dont actually care whether they see me. Another is that people your daughters age and under have grown up under a level of surveillance never before seen in the entire history of the human species. And I agree that literally saying No, I dont want to get to know you better is a bit off. Her presence in this household is ONLY because of her family relationship. Mittens and I can primal scream together. And then coming up with all kinds of bizarre but obvious lies about how they reason theyre acting that way is solely for *my* benefit. I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. - Casey Stengel But I explained that I feel like Im being put on the spot- and I would prefer that she just ask me what she wants. But the thing is that people who were born in other contries than here (Sweden) ask me where Im from all the time. Great! I automatically ask this without thinking about it pretty often. @IndoorCatI appreciate your comments. We had to interrupt her to say, We = mom and me, and you got mad so fast, we never got to say would you like to come along? I dont know? ME to GROUP CHAT: [Friend] and I are planning karaoke on [date] If you are available and interested, please let me know by [date] and Ill reserve a room! You can do it as far as you can. It generally meant that they had read somewhere on some really stupid website that you should try to get the girl you want to talk about herself, because girls like to talk about themselves. Then there is the Miss Manners rebuff, where the pitch is level until the final word is raised. A friend tricked me into agreeing to babysit her kid once using exactly that so what are you doing on X day approach. It forces the manipulators to cough up some version of their agendas, and galvanizes the friends with vague plans into issuing an actual invitation. Funny Responses to Rude Comments Sorry fella, I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today. Good, looks like the flowers are coming out (in Spring) But then again, Im always the person who answers strangers who say Are you X person with Who wants to know?. *In my case, Z has agreed to push the Ask her yourself button instead of passing messages along. Im white. Well, it is a basic level of people-ing that you need to get used to if you want to interact with other humans, yanno. When I tell you Ill be meal planning this weekend thats not an invitation for you to tell me all of your diet ideas and which meals are healthier. At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. Hi / hello + [thing I want to talk about] can almost seem too abrupt in that context, particularly among peers. Auto-Reply Email Sample for Customer Service: A Personalized Template Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) In this case it has the added benefit of short-circuiting the waiting for you to say nothing so I can guilt you into babysitting gambit. Because if she werent a family member, Id throw her out on her ear; she sure as hell wouldnt be in my home with all her stuff. It kind of sucks to be going about your business and then people remind you that you dont fit in. I have close friends that Ive been upfront with and say Im totally a hermit, but I do like to be invited to events and will make them sporadically. Good luck! Sometimes I think if Im going to make something up it might as well be along the lines of going to the moon or whatever. See how thats all about you, and your kids, and not at all about her? Your friends and family will get off the phone with you and wonder why they aren't grabbing life by the horns the way you are. The first time I heard this, I wondered who opened my brain while I was sleeping and pulled the song out and put it in a movie soundtrack. A party people pop quiz so to speak. We received your email and will get back to you with a (human) response as soon as possible. New day, old me, just doing routine stuff. If you want to invite them, INVITE. You can be annoyed by a wide variety of people forever. Giving my turtle a haircut. You're confident and independent, but you still overthink this kind of stuff. No way. I am eating. In these cases, we are all just curious and looking for stuff to talk about. Based on your listed interests, it looks like we have a lot in common. He would intentionally just hint around until they offered. I too wish I had the strength & Phoebe confidence to pull of that line. Because this is very much a dumb conversation filler question and its not going to go away anytime soon. Aunt: Are you doing anything this weekend? No.. If the asker tends to demand stuff from me, Im likely to claim Ill be busy. Ive seen cat vacuuming most often as being what you do before you can sit down to write. Instead, choose from these five replies. For example, Looking forward to the weekend? or I hope you get to relax this weekend.; My take is that if they wish to continue the conversation, they will do so, but if not, they can reply with a Yes/No. I know that doesnt solve your overall problem, and I dont know what a reasonable solution is Im Sorry youre struggling right now. Why not be honest? My parents and my in-laws have requests that my husband and I dont feel we can refuse. On the other end, I have a tactic for weekend planning. If you want! Do I think X is a fair thing to insist upon? This is probably part of why I am frustrated by this conversation, because by most conventional social norms, you are actually doing nothing wrong. Sometimes your lover or friend may forget to send you a morning text. Were no longer friends because she never wanted to make time to hang out with me; she just wanted free babysitting.
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