The planet is fine. George Carlin. "Never argue with an idiot. return null; If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. He had a way of critiquing and making fun of the government without necessarily getting into trouble. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. And apparently Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.George Carlin, Im completely in favor of theseparation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enoughon their own, so both of them together iscertain death.George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.George Carlin, If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Its important in life if you dont give a shit. You and I are not in the big club. ' George Carlin, 30. [CDATA[ After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! Enjoy! George Carlin. " George Carlin Quotes "War will end when people stop showing up for it. You should die first, get it out of the way. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, 40. Some people dream of things that never were, and ask, why not? Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Chris Evans Inspiring Quotes on Happiness, Success, and Being Laser Focused on Love, Strangers Spring Into Action to Save a Driver in Crisis on a Busy Road [VIDEO], 8-Year-Old Finds Out His Favorite Waffle House Waiter Is Hiding a Secret Doesnt Hesitate to Raise $64,000 for Him, White Woman Refuses to Listen to Dad After He Forbid Her From Marrying a Black Man 60 Years Later, Theyre Still Together, Kansas City Chiefs Fans Donate Over $300,000 to Buffalo Childrens Hospital After Dramatic Playoff Win Versus Rivals. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. the important thing is to, first of all, question everything you read or hear or see or are told. Its so f***ing heroic. In America, anyone can become president. They own, and control the corporations. His critical thinking shines on stage and opens your eyes to modern-day problems that most folks are oblivious to. George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. }()); A.async = !0; I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin. stylesheet.rel = "stylesheet"; throw new Error("could not load device-specific stylesheet : " + err.message); They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. How is it possible to have a civil war?George Carlin, When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. Trouble is, most of them suck. Laugh often, long and loud. My advice: just keep movin straight ahead. ! Im sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. George Carlin, 27. Showing 1-30 of 421 "The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." George Carlin tags: humor , insanity , lies , lying , self-indulgence , truth 19588 likes Like "The planet is fine. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? They own everything. " Forget the politicians. Laugh until you gasp for breath.George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.George Carlin, People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? We havent tried that for a while. session: { id: "334-5362882-2183381" }, They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! Did you enjoy this article? Everybodys going to save something now. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. Thats the problem.George Carlin, Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. #government. Christmas Quotes For Mothers To Make Her Day, These 10 Quotes About Best Friend Love Are Perfect For Showing Your True Colors, 118+ Inspiring Christmas Quotes For Instagram That Will Bring A Warm Glow To Your Holiday Season, Mourning Your Dogs Death With Quotes From Rainbow Bridge, 15+ Rumi Quotes On Happiness That Will Boost Your Mood, These Rumi Quotes About Depression Will Bring You Comfort. //= 2; // retina display Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, 24. Lets get started! When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.George Carlin, I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. And armbands. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. 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That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." The less said about it the better. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reasonGeorge Carlin, They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); This is the best we can do folks. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Resources. Its never just a game when youre winning.George Carlin, If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it?George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.George Carlin, Religion is just mind control. The poor are just there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Laugh until you gasp for breath." - George Carlin 3. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time, George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other //]]> Vicious quotes and captions plus a big list of quotations about vicious, xenophobia, and brutal quotes by George Carlin and Francois de la Rochefoucauld. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. George Carlin, 74. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. Deal with it. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? (?) Its disgusting, man. [CDATA[ All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, 6. Theres a humorous side to every situation. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Were so self-important. [.] "Events.SushiEndpoint": "https://unagi.amazon.com/1/events/com.amazon.csm.csa.prod", var stylesheet = document.createElement("link"); Others see it half empty.I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be.George Carlin, Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. } stylesheet.href = url; Dont look for it. This is what we have to offer. Are these people kidding? }, if (isRetina) { I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want. Comedian Its interested in its own power. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("gr_author", "false"); "I have a right, you have no right, we have a right." Folks I hate to spoil your fun, but. " If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. People are wonderful one at a time. You know why? Its interested in its own power. " Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Its so fuckin heroic.George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.George Carlin, If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?George Carlin, I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? They will do anything for the unborn. If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! var ue_furl = "fls-na.amazon.com"; I think that speaks for itself. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. #privileges. We can afford to cut defense; we cant afford to cut education. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin, 63. "Laugh often, long and loud. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. The challenge is to find it.George Carlin, I put a dollar in a change machine. One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. apstag.init({ Just daydreaming. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Thats exactly what I want you to think. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Thats the problem. Property is theft. } Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a f**k about them. It can help you a lot. George Carlin, 8. So, we must be clear about our expectations for government and its role in our lives. a[a9]._Q.push([c, r]) In this blog post, well take a look at some of his best quotes on the subject. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept.George Carlin. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. Source; . Im talking about the real owners now the real owners. The challenge is to find it. Laugh often, long and loud. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. George Carlin, 70. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. Because theres no money in that problem. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. And a list of people theyre going to visit at 3am. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. George Carlin. - George Carlin profile quotes. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. On The Simple Solution To Parenthood's Most Difficult Question "Parents are burning these kids out on structure. 383 talking about this. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. window.Mobvious = {}; var e = document.createElement("script"); e.src = "https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41mrkPcyPwL.js"; document.head.appendChild(e); And armbands. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. The future will soon be a thing of the past. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. The people are f***ed. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("grsession", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); He loves you and he needs money. He loves you. You have no choice. George Carlin Government Quotes "Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes." George Carlin "Religion is just mind control. Really? What do you say? 5. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, 17. But there is an I in independence, individuality, andintegrity. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Manage Settings It will not be with jack-boots. Toothpicks?George Carlin, No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it." ~ (George Carlin). George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an Americanstand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) George Carlin Quotes Government George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. "Men are from Earth,. 2. //]]> Here are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, 83.Theres a reason education sucks, and its the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's a big club and you ain't in it. Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question what they read. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, 39. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Quotes by George Carlin One of the most iconic comedians of all time. if (sourcesToHideBuyFeatures[i] == source) We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen. "CacheDetection.RequestID": "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. The people are fucked." George Carlin tags: funny , humanity , humor 8709 likes Like Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, 3. He was regarded as an influential and significant comic of all time. We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. Its totally FREE. I hate groups of people. I love individuals. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Save the planet! If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.'. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. if(cookiePair[0] === name) { But he loves you. The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin Sayings and Quotes about life! It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not.